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Lost and found...

Tuesday, January 31, 2006 by Mellie

My Bear does, in fact, have a voice (though he doesn't use it much around here these days). I found this entry from a joint blog we used to do back when we lived together. Had to share...

March 20th, 2004

"There is nothing better than feeling her come down from sub space when she's pressed against me, shivering slightly, in the moments just before we go to sleep.

There is nothing better than feeling her breath on my chest as she rests her head on my shoulder.

There is nothing better than drifting off to sleep like this, knowing that this moment will occur again and again, that this is something which is ours, that we are both at our most vulnerable at this time, that we have both given a profound gift to the other in the moments which preceded this one, and will continue to give of ourselves in the moments that follow.

But that one moment ... that small little wriggle as she nestles closer ... it's the best thing I can imagine. "

Is there any wonder I'm in love with him?


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More musings from an unhappy pussy.

by Mellie

There's just something about watching the State of the Union address that reminds me of getting fucked...odd, that!

Apparently, not getting laid tends to make me snarky. My senses are keener, my mind is less dull and my ability to get things done is at an all time high. That said, I would rather be retarded and fucked any day. It's much better than being smart and celibate.

Now that I've pissed off half of my readers...

I never thought I'd say this - I'm tired of masturbation. There are only so many fantasies a girl can have about being bent over a desk, slapped, fucked and used before she runs out of creativity. I'm out. My well of sexual inspiration is dry. I just want to get laid, goddamnit! If I wasn't being tortured by one specific person (that I love, unfortunately!) I'd go out and fuck some dude that lasted 2 seconds just to remember what it feels like to have a real life penis in there. I'm halfway to standing outside naked with air traffic control lights and paddles waving people in. I'm young! I'm hot! Fuck me, fuck me, fuck me!

Wow, I'm whiny! My poor darling friend Eala has months before she can get laid properly; I guess I have no room to speak. I feel ya, sista. When you come up, I'll let you borrow the bunny if you let me watch. :)


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Case of the Mondays.

Monday, January 30, 2006 by Mellie

I've been having an up and down day today. I woke up this morning, earlier than expected, so that I could greet the beginning of the week with open arms and a made-up face. I got some bad news about the new lease on my apartment - it will be an extra $100 per month because I'm only signing it for six months (because Bear and I will be moving for law/veterinary school around August). Then my daughter and I cleaned her room and made it look absolutely picturesque. I still have a cold, and my nose is stuffy, raw and red.

I thought some more about having a D/s relationship (we go back and forth on it) and realized that maybe the drama and "obvious" nature isn't necessarily something I want. Maybe what I need is something like a non-stated D/s style relationship with the understanding that he is the man and is in charge. My opinion is valued and respected, my body is his, my mind is something to be praised for, and we love each other. What could be better than that?

Enjoy one of my favorite songs now - it describes me to a tee. And, it was featured at the end of Wedding Crashers!

Audio: The Weakerthans - Aside
by AineGirl


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Desire.

Sunday, January 29, 2006 by Mellie

It could be because I haven't had sex for a few weeks, or maybe it's just something in the air. All I seem to think about lately is hands grabbing fistfuls of my hair, clothes being torn off in the heat of passion, the frenzy of pheromone induced fucking. I'm like a cat in heat with my ass in the air. It's just ridiculous. I'm not usually like this, at least not this bad and not since I was 16. I don't know what to do with myself, with at least a week before the potential of getting laid exists. I need it. I don't just want it, I NEEEEEEED it.

If I were to get laid, I would lie at his feet purring for hours. I would sit on his lap with a glazed look in my eyes, smelling and feeling and coming down. I've had orgasms lately, of course I have, but the orgasm I would have with a cock in my pussy would bring God down from heaven (if such a creature existed).

Even now, the breath catches in my throat. The desire washes over me again, the one that takes me to porn sites and sex pages searching for the perfect photo or story to get me off. It has the be the right type of non-consensual story. I hate when the girl gives in or gets turned on - it's the struggle that makes me hot. It's the fear, the kicking of feet, the rough hands and feeling of being overwhelmed. This is dangerous territory... and I'm giving in.


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My new favorite search result.

by Mellie

"panties ripped" "fucked" "held down" (MSN)

Wow. It's as if they searched for my social security number. It's so close, it's scary! ;)


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Good morning...

Saturday, January 28, 2006 by Mellie

As you get up and go about your business today, please remember one thing. Life is short. You never know when your chance to change the world, have a family, find that one great love or write the greatest novel ever written will end. Live every day as if tomorrow really isn't going to come. And please, tell everyone that is important to you that you love them as often as possible.

Readers, and a few in particular, I LOVE YOU. Thank you for being there for me. I appreciate all of you. Bear, Eala.... you mean the world to me. I love both of you with all my heart.

Everyone, have a great day!


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And who wouldn't want to fuck me, really? ;)

Friday, January 27, 2006 by Mellie


That's me, baby. Gambling with souls. Although I was born in 1981. Close enough.


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So why no sex?

Thursday, January 26, 2006 by Mellie

A good friend recently asked me about my sex life with Bear, which left me scratching my head. The real answer to that is - we haven't been having sex. It's not some weird cult, it's not lack of sexual interest in the other person (I know, for my part, that I fantasize about him more now than I did when we were having sex more frequently)... it's just that damn time factor.

There are advantages and disadvantages to not living together anymore. I don't miss having to pick up dirty socks and underwear from the floor, I don't miss having to fight over who gets to use the computer (and for what). I'm glad to be able to come home, drop everything on the floor and crash on the couch with only one other person at home to take care of. I do, of course, miss the passing moments of tenderness and the ability to communicate more directly. I miss sharing things with him - brushing our teeth next to each other before bed and being able to kiss goodnight. But the one thing that has suffered the most is our damn sex life.

We used to fuck every night before bed. It was almost habit, if habit is allowed to be that fucking hot. There was nothing boring or mediocre about it; we ravished each other's bodies like we had 12 hours to live. I'd fall asleep with come running out of me or drying on me somewhere. It was deliriously wonderful.

But now, it's mainly every weekend (if we're lucky). I have school, he's working on law school applications, work tires us both out and without that time at the end of the day to kiss, fuck and fall asleep without one of us having to get up and drive home, something had to give.

So there you have it. Aine is not getting laid. Aine would like to get laid. Aine has no time for silly things like having her brains fucked out. Aine's brain is so full of ethology, mathematics, children's literature and horse science that she's not sure she could shut it off enough to enjoy Bear's lovely cock (and it is, indeed, lovely).

But wow... a nice hard hair-pulling, ass-slapping, name-calling good time sounds like about the best thing ever right now. I promise I'll call you Daddy.


(This picture really brings me back. That's what my ass looked like 2 years ago, in the only apartment we have ever shared together up to this point. He used to avail himself of that nice ass weekly. *sniff sniff* Fuck school. No, I take that back. Fuck me!)


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Just in case you forgot...

Wednesday, January 25, 2006 by Mellie


I LOVE YOU!


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Tuesday, January 24, 2006 by Mellie

I really just haven't had much to say. I've been busy, but not so busy that I couldn't have blogged. The words just weren't there and, to alter the phrase that Bambi's mother taught me at a young age - if you can't say anything worthwhile, don't say anything at all. So, I'm still here and still breathing. I think I'll just do a 5 things I'm grateful for list today and call it an afternoon.

1. Getting to wake my daughter up in the mornings. She's all warm and snuggly and I could lay there with her for hours.
2. Caring enough about Bear to voice my opinions and feelings instead of feeling nothing.
3. 50% off sales - especially when they happen at Old Navy on the day I go in to buy work shirts for under my scrubs.
4. Chai tea. I mean, really. The stuff just gets me through the day!
5. Carpet shampooers. Without my darling, there would be so many gross stains on my carpet and I have this thing about keeping a clean house (even though it focuses on one room at a time!)


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My submissiveness.

Sunday, January 08, 2006 by Mellie

I am not submissive.

I am a strong woman who sees people independent of their sexuality, lifestyle, physical attributes and moral upbringing. I meet people and the chemistry judges where things go from there.

I am not submissive. If I wasn't with Bear, I wouldn't have the irrepressible urge to submit. I wouldn't have the need to please. It's simply the pheromones, the chemistry between the two of us that force this behavior from me.

Is it a good thing, the natural way for us? I'm not sure. I'll never be sure. When we're on, it's fantastic. It seems to work well, I feel compelled to submit. When we're off, I feel as if I've given up too much of myself for him. I feel like he expects so much more out of me than I'm willing to give.

My desire to please him is greater than my desire to please myself. Some of the things that I do are designed to make him love me, trust me, want me more. They're great things for me, but they were also created out of my need to make him proud of me. Some people may see this as a weakness, but I see it as the epitome of couplehood. Making personal decisions thinking of the couple; thinking of the whole.

I've always gotten off on rough sex. It's always been easier to orgasm thinking of rape and orgies. But I crave monogamy with him. I crave him alone. I don't want other people, I don't want to be ordered to fuck other people. I'm submissive for him alone. My sexuality is in a box under his bed; he alone has the key.

I learn more about myself every day. Something I once took for granted has become more obvious to me. I don't need submission. I don't need sex. I don't need cock or pussy or both. I just need him. That's what's in my blood. He is.


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Oh, blah.

Tuesday, January 03, 2006 by Mellie

Life is a series of complex driving directions to the same destination. Every stop is a fork in the road; every opportunity one receives forces them to choose between deviating left, deviating right or forging straight ahead. There are shortcuts and longcuts. There are back alleys and highways. Nothing is clean and simple and, when you start to believe that you may have found your way, you get hit by a flat tire. Life is dirty, complex and difficult. Believing otherwise is like driving without the spare in the trunk; it's asking for trouble.

I don't write this in response to anything particular stimuli; it's just the sense that the coming year will yield more decisions. It's a year in which I hope to get married, move, start a new career... you get the picture. I feel stalled right now, stuck in a place that is nice and comfortable but not where I want to be. I'm out of sorts and moody, which means I'm not getting laid enough. *hint hint*

I'll leave you with this. It's uncanny. ;) Found on Post Secret (PLUG PLUG PLUG!):


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If I only knew what it was referring to!

Monday, January 02, 2006 by Mellie

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): I have selected a quote by Irish playwright Brendan Behan to serve as your motto in 2006. I suggest that you write it out on a piece of red paper and place it in a prominent place like your bathroom mirror or computer monitor. "If you have a talent, use it in every which way possible," said Behan. "Don't hoard it. Don't dole it out like a miser. Spend it lavishly like a millionaire intent on going broke."


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Oh, the 2nd of January.

by Mellie

It looks like spring outside, which I laughed at as I woke up this morning. Spring? In January? The beginning of the year must really be getting to my head. Then I checked the weather channel. 57 degrees today. The 2nd of January. In Illinois. I don't know what I did right to deserve this weather, but I'm getting out in it just as soon as possible. I don't have much to do, and I certainly don't have much money to do it with, but I can't waste this near perfect day because of silly little details like those.

The 2nd of the year is always a depressing day for me, although psychologists have pinpointed the most depressing day of the year as January 24th. January 2nd is the day I realize just how hard I have to work to make those resolutions come to fruition. I hate that things don't just happen over night. I know that's for a reason, and I know that the struggle is what makes the win that much more sweet. It's just difficult. It's even more difficult for me considering my father is heading in for fairly major heart surgery tomorrow morning. I feel alone and stressed out right now, which is certainly not what I wanted for 2006.

Anyway, I'm going to go get ready and head out to start my day. Hope everyone has a great one, and that it's just as beautiful where you live as it is where I live.


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This is the face of the morning after...

Sunday, January 01, 2006 by Mellie


Good morning and Happy New Year everybody! I survived the turn of the year, a tad worse for the wear because of this giant, red and throbbing bite mark on my left shoulder. But, trust me, that's a good thing. It had been a few weeks before than since I had gotten laid before that. :)

Just wanted to wish everyone a prosperous, lucky and successful New Year. I'll be writing a lot more this year; I really need to find my voice and it's difficult to do that when you don't put it out there. I have the feeling I could learn a lot from myself if I would just stop overthinking and start overdoing. :)


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about


"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-- I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference. -- Robert Frost, The Road Not Taken

I'm like that, I'm the untaken road. I walk the path that's filled with jagged rocks, spooky trees and no sunlight - but I come out the other side wiser. It's always worth the price.


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