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Sunday, September 16, 2007 by Mellie

Life is often a serious of temporary adjustments. We shovel out this rut, wallow in it day after day, only to have it fill with water and force us to start again.

I have a choice to make. Spoken or unspoken, dominance and submission is an intrinsic part of my life. It simply is who I am, in many ways. With Bear's back, my role as his submissive (if that's truly what I want) is being forced to change.

In short, I need to be willing and able to submit without force. I have to want it and what I need to figure out is how badly that's true in my life.

My writing here must conform. My life isn't how it was 2 years ago, nor would I want it to be. My mind, my thoughts, my reality... all different.

I'm not sure why that disturbs me so much. Maybe it's feeling left out of a larger community or maybe it's that incredibly non-inspired thing called nostalgia. What I do know is that I miss you but I'm not sure if I'm what you want anymore. And I'm sorry for that.


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Friday, September 07, 2007 by Mellie

I've watched the cursor doing its hypnotic dance on the northern side of monitor for nearly half an hour now. It appears and disappears, reminding me that my frontal lobe has all but been turned off for the past few weeks.

I've been a machine of studying, working and fulfilling my very basic needs in the quickest way possible. I've had little time for creativity, introspective thought or pleasure seeking of even the most mundane variety.

Things are settling down a bit and I intend to begin writing more here in my freedom instead of wasting my talents on that goddamn Myspace.


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"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-- I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference. -- Robert Frost, The Road Not Taken

I'm like that, I'm the untaken road. I walk the path that's filled with jagged rocks, spooky trees and no sunlight - but I come out the other side wiser. It's always worth the price.


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