Life is often a serious of temporary adjustments. We shovel out this rut, wallow in it day after day, only to have it fill with water and force us to start again.
I have a choice to make. Spoken or unspoken, dominance and submission is an intrinsic part of my life. It simply is who I am, in many ways. With Bear's back, my role as his submissive (if that's truly what I want) is being forced to change.
In short, I need to be willing and able to submit without force. I have to want it and what I need to figure out is how badly that's true in my life.
My writing here must conform. My life isn't how it was 2 years ago, nor would I want it to be. My mind, my thoughts, my reality... all different.
I'm not sure why that disturbs me so much. Maybe it's feeling left out of a larger community or maybe it's that incredibly non-inspired thing called nostalgia. What I do know is that I miss you but I'm not sure if I'm what you want anymore. And I'm sorry for that.
I have a choice to make. Spoken or unspoken, dominance and submission is an intrinsic part of my life. It simply is who I am, in many ways. With Bear's back, my role as his submissive (if that's truly what I want) is being forced to change.
In short, I need to be willing and able to submit without force. I have to want it and what I need to figure out is how badly that's true in my life.
My writing here must conform. My life isn't how it was 2 years ago, nor would I want it to be. My mind, my thoughts, my reality... all different.
I'm not sure why that disturbs me so much. Maybe it's feeling left out of a larger community or maybe it's that incredibly non-inspired thing called nostalgia. What I do know is that I miss you but I'm not sure if I'm what you want anymore. And I'm sorry for that.
This entry was posted by Mellie, on
Sunday, September 16, 2007.
