I love beginnings. I exist for possibility; the amazing spark that puts a gleam in your eye before the reality of the situation sets in.

If my entire life could be beginnings, I can't even tell you how blessed I would feel. I get butterflies, near-nausea inducing butterflies. I sit on my couch, indian-style (or criss-cross-applesauce as my daughter calls it) with a notebook and pen, mapping out my future and all the positives yet to come. I daydream while sipping my coffee. I read books and find myself in them. The entire world exists for me and me alone... and I feel no self-consciousness admitting that.

I'm often accused of truly thinking the world revolves around me. People misunderstand me on a regular basis - I sometimes come off as pushy, as self-centered, as someone who doesn't take no for an answer. That may be true, in some cases, but often I'm able to step back and look at the whole picture before acting. I am a selfish creature or, at least, I can be. But I don't act based wholly on what I want and forsake other people's emotions. I always take everyone else into account and often put them ahead of me.

But beginnings are lovely. They're just there; they care for everyone equally and the eve of possibility shines just as brightly on all involved.

And I feel like I'm shining today.

I just edited and updated my 100 things about me section. It was fulfilling.

I'd like everyone to get to know me, Mellie, not Aine.

Aine was lovely, yes. She was nice to write through, as a medium, as she was absolutely me.

She just wasn't all of me. I held back, I wrote what I thought people wanted to hear and didn't write about the entirety of my complex and sometimes very mundane persona.

So I'm Mellie. Nice to meet you.

I originally wrote and posted this today over at Irrational Beauty, the new place I had been writing, when it occured to me that this is home. This has always been home. I can't just quit on something and move sites because I need a change. I AM that change. No matter where I go and where I write, I'm still me. This place is my history and my future; I'm not ready to walk away from that...

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June. Wow.

I'm actually pretty amazed I've stayed away so long.

Of course, I've been writing. If you knew me at all, you'd realize how silly the thought of me not writing is. Writing simply is INSIDE me, writing is who I am at my most base level. Creative, expressive, unafraid of opening up and spilling my guts onto the page... without the ability to write I would probably die.

I know that sounds trite, but I honestly believe that.

I've felt it lately.

I got into a car accident last night. It wasn't much, although I did have to go to the hospital for neck pain. It did manage to terrify me into re-evaluating a few things about my life lately. Funny how cliche it is to assume your life will flash before your eyes, but how true it ends up being in the end.

But I'm ok. I'm on some seriously great medication that made me both sleep like a baby and have some pretty intense dreams. I even managed to pleasure myself this afternoon without throwing things TOO out of whack. I'm dedicated that way.

But it did make me realize that I need to write more. Especially when my creative outlets have mostly come from Myspace. It's the armpit of the creative world, but I've felt more safe keeping some things to myself lately. Don't ask me why; it's unlike me to be so closed-off.

So, I'm back. Don't know for how long, or what will come out, but I'm here.