On a Henry Rollin's spoken word cd called Think Tank, he spoke of bisexuality. It always stuck with me because, besides being completely hysterical, what he said was so right on that I generally use it to explain how I feel to heterosexual people.
"And there's nothing wrong to being into all of it. How awesome would it be to be bisexual... to walk into a room and just go 'Mmmm. Alright. Oh yeah.' I've heard that there's a publication in San Francisco, that I've never seen, it's apparently a bisexual publication. It's called Anything That Moves. Fucking awesome!"
For real, Henry.
I realized that even more today while I was sitting in a training seminar (on Superbowl Sunday! Talk about adding insult to the injury that was the fucking Bears game - I mean, you run the kick-off in for a touchdown and you STILL lose the game! Come on!).
Anyway. One of the trainers was this amazing looking butch woman - very short hair with frosted tips, muscular physique, blue blue eyes. Very cute. I was distracted from watching her mouth as she talked by the constant flirting of one of the doctors. He's the epitome of frat boy, but still so goddamn adorable. It's just unfortunate that he's aware of that. I'm just such a lecherous whore.
On a semi-related note, Henry also had something humorous to add to sexism and classification in sexuality...
"Like there's guys and girls who like the opposite sex exclusively. Straight. I'm straight. Hey, shut up, I'm straight. I think I'm going to go have some straight sex... it sounds like the kind of sex the guys in Dragnet would have....
"Then we go onto the next classification. Guys who dig guys. Gay... Let's think about that for a minute... happy. Think about 1970 something America. Pre-specter of death AIDS discotechques... all that great music, all these guys in their leather pants... Imagine the zero level of bullshit in that room... You wouldn't hear any talking. All you'd hear is belt buckles hitting the ground... I guess that's why they call it gay. Happy happy happy all the time."
"Now, I notice that women are given that weird, strange lesbian name...I mean, all the other classifications are adjectives. Gay, adjective. Straight, adjective. Lesbian, sort of sticky mucous membrane noun. Kind of could be a rare and obscure South African arboreal tree frog that only comes down from the triple canopy jungle foliage to mate and then hatch the eggs and then die. The lesbians mate during the rainy season. The female carries the eggs on her back and is fertilized by the male. She goes back up into the tree and waits. Her babies are hatched and then the lesbian dies. It just sounds icky. And it must be a man coming up with the name for women who date women. A man who is mad at a woman who has no need for his dick."
It's probably much more funny if you hear it. Email me if you want the sound file; it cracks me up every time. *laugh*
"And there's nothing wrong to being into all of it. How awesome would it be to be bisexual... to walk into a room and just go 'Mmmm. Alright. Oh yeah.' I've heard that there's a publication in San Francisco, that I've never seen, it's apparently a bisexual publication. It's called Anything That Moves. Fucking awesome!"
For real, Henry.
I realized that even more today while I was sitting in a training seminar (on Superbowl Sunday! Talk about adding insult to the injury that was the fucking Bears game - I mean, you run the kick-off in for a touchdown and you STILL lose the game! Come on!).
Anyway. One of the trainers was this amazing looking butch woman - very short hair with frosted tips, muscular physique, blue blue eyes. Very cute. I was distracted from watching her mouth as she talked by the constant flirting of one of the doctors. He's the epitome of frat boy, but still so goddamn adorable. It's just unfortunate that he's aware of that. I'm just such a lecherous whore.
On a semi-related note, Henry also had something humorous to add to sexism and classification in sexuality...
"Like there's guys and girls who like the opposite sex exclusively. Straight. I'm straight. Hey, shut up, I'm straight. I think I'm going to go have some straight sex... it sounds like the kind of sex the guys in Dragnet would have....
"Then we go onto the next classification. Guys who dig guys. Gay... Let's think about that for a minute... happy. Think about 1970 something America. Pre-specter of death AIDS discotechques... all that great music, all these guys in their leather pants... Imagine the zero level of bullshit in that room... You wouldn't hear any talking. All you'd hear is belt buckles hitting the ground... I guess that's why they call it gay. Happy happy happy all the time."
"Now, I notice that women are given that weird, strange lesbian name...I mean, all the other classifications are adjectives. Gay, adjective. Straight, adjective. Lesbian, sort of sticky mucous membrane noun. Kind of could be a rare and obscure South African arboreal tree frog that only comes down from the triple canopy jungle foliage to mate and then hatch the eggs and then die. The lesbians mate during the rainy season. The female carries the eggs on her back and is fertilized by the male. She goes back up into the tree and waits. Her babies are hatched and then the lesbian dies. It just sounds icky. And it must be a man coming up with the name for women who date women. A man who is mad at a woman who has no need for his dick."
It's probably much more funny if you hear it. Email me if you want the sound file; it cracks me up every time. *laugh*
This entry was posted by Mellie, on
Sunday, February 04, 2007.
