I am a very needful creature. I consider myself somewhat akin to a feline - the type that winds herself around your legs, sits down on the book you're trying to read and stares at you until you decide to pay her some attention.
I've gotten used to my solitude, however. I'm not quite the attention whore I used to be. Quiet evenings spent sitting cross-legged on the couch, wrapped in a giant comforter and reading a book are perhaps more important to me now than being the center of attention at a party or the bar.
There is one large hurdle that I can't seem to jump over, however. I have a very active sex drive. Someone once compared me to a teenage boy - I have sex on my mind constantly and am nearly always up for it. Now, because of the pain and medications that Bear is on, my sex drive easily surpasses his. As he pointed out to me early, the will is there. The desire is there. The back, well, that's another story. I will be on top, in fact I come easier that way, but I far prefer being on my stomach with my face pressed into a pillow. Call it nature's way of getting me to shut the fuck up for a few minutes. *grin*
Although it's been this way for nearly a year now, I still have a hard time dealing with it. Now, moving in together, I'm worried that it may become even more of an issue. I've never been a faithful person - cheating is something that comes easily for me and leaves me with no bad taste in my mouth. Bear and I have been together for four years and not once have I touched another person without his express consent (besides, of course, getting drunk and kissing people). I love him. I don't want to be with anyone else, except in my head (and if you're reading this, you've been in my head at least once. Especially specific people who read this, and you know who you are. *wink*). I'm not going to cheat on him. It's just that this massive sex drive, this beast of burden that causes me undo suffering, reminds me that I need it. I crave it.
I'm going to go take care of that right now, in fact.
I've gotten used to my solitude, however. I'm not quite the attention whore I used to be. Quiet evenings spent sitting cross-legged on the couch, wrapped in a giant comforter and reading a book are perhaps more important to me now than being the center of attention at a party or the bar.
There is one large hurdle that I can't seem to jump over, however. I have a very active sex drive. Someone once compared me to a teenage boy - I have sex on my mind constantly and am nearly always up for it. Now, because of the pain and medications that Bear is on, my sex drive easily surpasses his. As he pointed out to me early, the will is there. The desire is there. The back, well, that's another story. I will be on top, in fact I come easier that way, but I far prefer being on my stomach with my face pressed into a pillow. Call it nature's way of getting me to shut the fuck up for a few minutes. *grin*
Although it's been this way for nearly a year now, I still have a hard time dealing with it. Now, moving in together, I'm worried that it may become even more of an issue. I've never been a faithful person - cheating is something that comes easily for me and leaves me with no bad taste in my mouth. Bear and I have been together for four years and not once have I touched another person without his express consent (besides, of course, getting drunk and kissing people). I love him. I don't want to be with anyone else, except in my head (and if you're reading this, you've been in my head at least once. Especially specific people who read this, and you know who you are. *wink*). I'm not going to cheat on him. It's just that this massive sex drive, this beast of burden that causes me undo suffering, reminds me that I need it. I crave it.
I'm going to go take care of that right now, in fact.
This entry was posted by Mellie, on
Wednesday, January 10, 2007.
