Today is one of those days when I crave submission. I've been running around like crazy all day - I voted bright and early, went for a run at the gym, had a work lunch/meeting and then I worked again in the evening. It's 10:30 and I'm just now sitting down at my computer for a few brief moments of sanity regaining time before viewing the latest election results (too close to call, though it's looking terrifying Republican at the moment) and heading off to bed.

It's times like these when I need to let go and lose control for a while. I need to give in to that powerful urge to submit, to kneel at his feet and feel his pride, love and joy wash over me. It provides me with the ability to take time for myself and for my man, to center things around us and put the concerns of the rest of our lives and the world on the backburner to concentrate on the moment.

It's been months since we've done anything substantially D/s, and probably over a year since I can remember the last time I've felt satisfied for more than the afterglow with the amount that's in our lives. We've never found a healthy balance - too much makes me angry and withdrawn, too little makes me act out like a petulant toddler. Learning what D/s means in our relationship now that he's in so much pain has had to take a backseat to so many other more important issues for us.

It's just nights like these, as Lucero would say, that make him seem so far away.

If you'll excuse me, I'm off to bed. No visions of sugar plum fairies tonight, my darlings.

This entry was posted by Mellie, on Tuesday, November 07, 2006.