Human beings are interesting creatures. We have all the base instincts of our predecessors - we fuck, eat, fight, crave shelter, feel territorial, etc. At our core, we are animals.

The thing that separates us from the animals in our past, however, is this omnipresent need to think things to death. Ninty percent of our lives is wasted in analysis; puzzling, mulling things over, debating, call it what you will. We spend a lot of time, A LOT of time, thinking about how things should be. We concentrate on the future - how I'm going to be rich one day or how I can't wait to finish this project because it will lead me to fame and success. What we miss, the most important thing of all, is living in the moment.

I know that sounds like a whole bunch of new age garbage. Most people disagree almost immediately with it; they're not willing to let go of their hopes and dreams and simply be. I'm not, at least not yet. But I hope to be in the future.

That's partly what my cohesive love of BDSM is. It allows me, if only for the day, to be solely in the moment. I'm living to the exact second - every stroke, every thrust, the loss of each strand of hair, every tiny spasm of my inner walls after orgasm - I feel them all as they're happening and I revel in each little intricate detail.

I'm trying to find balance in my life - ebb and flow, give and take, push and pull. I'm always better at one side than trying to understand both because I've been so conditioned to take life as a fight. I try to drag that other side over the invisible line in the sand instead of equally pushing and pulling. It's very un-Libralike of me. I'm hoping that I grow into my enormous heart someday instead of fighting so hard to hide it away.

This entry was posted by Mellie, on Monday, November 27, 2006.