I wish I could somehow competently describe what it feels like to be lost in one's own head. There are days when I can actively dissipate any deep emotional thoughts, anything that may be painful or uneasy, and focus instead on the vapid, more surface details of the moment. I'm so good at repression, I might as well put my resume in to be a trash compactor.

Other times, no matter what I'm doing and how hard I'm trying to ignore it, those hard to swallow thoughts come bubbling up from some hidden fountain of deeper logic and reason. I could choose to push them back down, press them as far inward as possible... but that's beginning to be the easy way to handle things. I've always been a fighter and this, now, is starting to look like a challenge worth taking.

I doubt I'll go into much detail here, at least for the time being. Despite all my obvious open tendencies, I get the feeling that this is something that needs to be kept sacred. Those of you who are important to me or insatiably curious know, but I'm choosing to keep it in that small circle of confidants for the moment. I'm fine, my family is fine... so no worries there. Life has just gotten a little less comfortable for me, at the moment, and I'm trying to sort through all of that.

This entry was posted by Mellie, on Thursday, October 19, 2006.