In BDSM, I consider myself fairly old-hat (I would never claim to be a pro, I know I haven't done or perfected it all yet). I've been on both sides of beatings, humilation, blood-letting, roleplay... you name it. Through it all, the one thing that scares me the most is deprivation.
You see, I'm a creature of sensation. The five senses are like gods to me - sight, smell, touch, hearing and taste are things I can see and appreciate. Deprivation, and being denied, are the only things I truly struggle with. I was a spoiled child, my parents gave me everything my heart desired, and I have trouble not getting exactly what I want at the exact moment I want it.
It's like standing in a dark room and hearing something in one corner. You don't know who, or what, it is. You can't see it, you can only feel it coming closer... hear it as it edges nearer and nearer. I like to see what's coming at me, I feel much more prepared. Perhaps that's a flaw.
You see, it's not what I'm being denied. It's that I'm being denied at all. I offer nothing poetic in this, just the simple understanding that life ushers in far more excitement when you let the little things gain more importance. Small moments, like this one, can mean something. It's not about forever, it's about this exact moment. Living and dwelling here, enjoying what I have right now... that's something I will not be denied.
Call me a spoiled brat. Come on, I dare you.
You see, I'm a creature of sensation. The five senses are like gods to me - sight, smell, touch, hearing and taste are things I can see and appreciate. Deprivation, and being denied, are the only things I truly struggle with. I was a spoiled child, my parents gave me everything my heart desired, and I have trouble not getting exactly what I want at the exact moment I want it.
It's like standing in a dark room and hearing something in one corner. You don't know who, or what, it is. You can't see it, you can only feel it coming closer... hear it as it edges nearer and nearer. I like to see what's coming at me, I feel much more prepared. Perhaps that's a flaw.
You see, it's not what I'm being denied. It's that I'm being denied at all. I offer nothing poetic in this, just the simple understanding that life ushers in far more excitement when you let the little things gain more importance. Small moments, like this one, can mean something. It's not about forever, it's about this exact moment. Living and dwelling here, enjoying what I have right now... that's something I will not be denied.
Call me a spoiled brat. Come on, I dare you.
This entry was posted by Mellie, on
Tuesday, August 08, 2006.
