Control. It's a major issue for me. I often wonder what trick of fate left me partly submissive and, as I don't believe in god, I find it hard to believe that this was all part of some larger plan. However it got there, it's the rare occasion that I am completely able to embrace it and just let myself feel vulnerable. It's hard for me, but necessary, as I'm only capable of shutting down that part of myself rarely.

Last night was heaven. He started slow and sweet, which is foreign to me, as I'm a creature who loves to fuck. Not make love, not have sex, fuck. Just fuck me. Seriously. As we progressed, however, I noticed the seed of something darker in his thrusts, in his eyes. The anger was there, the carnal nature, the beast... and it didn't take very much for me to coax it from its fleshy cage.

My breasts received a serious beating last night, although they're not black and blue on the outside. The inside feels like someone is jabbing my nerves with hot pokers, and they're swollen a bit. My back is still scratched and welted, which means that beautiful line between pleasure and pain was walked like a tightrope.

I was well and thoroughly fucked last night and I'm wearing the scars like badges of honor today.

This entry was posted by Mellie, on Saturday, July 15, 2006.