I'm annoyed. It's been 6 hours and I still feel angry at him. I went to the gym and tried to sweat the anger out, but it's still raging around in the back of my head. It's not even righteous anger. It's hurt. It's feeling less than important. It's the ridiculous lack of self esteem that I have sometimes that, lately, is being continually fed by minor things - saying "yeah" when he answers the phone instead of "hey babe," going to shows that we had originally planned to go to together (my babysitter canceled and the show doesn't start until 11:30) instead of coming over to spend time with me.

It's telling me that I'm the one getting cold feet, when he is continually coming up with reasons why we need to put it off. It's making me crazy. It's making me doubt that he evens wants to spend the rest of his life with me, especially now that we've put getting married "on a back burner." And I'm being told it's me being difficult. That hurts.

He can't stay on the phone with me until 11:30 last night, but he can drive 45 minutes to go to a show that doesn't start until 11:30 without me. How is that supposed to make a girl feel? Because, really, I don't feel anything other than cast aside. I know this is venting but, fuck, I've done everything else I can think of to get this out and it's not working. *sigh*

This entry was posted by Mellie, on Thursday, March 23, 2006.