I took this picture last week, driving towards the city. It was after sunset; after all the colored hues had disappeared and the world was waiting for darkness. I almost feel that way this evening. I'm waiting for the darkness to come, because the light can't be too far behind that.

I'm stressed out. For those of you that know me well, stress isn't something that I show too often. I manage my life so that I'm not caught off guard. I may be mostly submissive, but if I can't be in control of my own day to day operations I tend to freak out.

I've got lots on my plate, mostly not of my own choosing. Bear and I just can't figure out how and when to get married. I'm not a white dress, big day type of girl, so it's mainly figuring out who we can get to marry us (no one religious - we've actually thought of asking a friend to get ordained for the day to do it) and when. Feelings are being hurt, too much time is being dedicated to something that should be sweet, simple and meaningful, and I'm just not in the mood to stress about what other people will think if they find out a week later.

But then, today, I went to the doctor. Apparently I have a parotid cyst in my jaw. My doctor believes that it should clear up with antibiotics but, if not, I should be prepared to get a cat scan and talk tumor in 4-6 weeks. This is just completely unacceptable to me. On top of everything else that I can sit down and discuss out, this. I'm annoyed, to say the least. Needless to say, this fucking cyst has 10 days to mellow out or I'm going in with a razor and cutting the fucking thing out. I might get married with a giant open wound on my face, but I'm not dealing with an unauthorized growth in my jaw. Guess I'm more dominant than I thought. *grin*

I know I don't ever wrap up blog entries, but I don't care. This is what it's like to be in my brain.

This entry was posted by Mellie, on Thursday, March 16, 2006.