What does a bad girl do with her time when she's all alone and horny?


THE ANSWER:

First this....




Then this!




Alright, so I'm horrible at riddles. Bear and I used to co-write a blog called Sexual Anarchism in 2004/2005. After we moved out, the blog slowly faded into oblivion and was taken over by a squatter who hasn't posted in it for almost a year now. I have no problems with that, everyone knew we were close to the end and I chose to take that site off the air.

I have, however, saved the entire archive and I read it from time to time. Glossing over the parts that are so obviously bad to me now (our use of sex to cover up our flawed relationship, my need for submission as an attempt to keep him with me), it's still extremely hot. I read over it yesterday and it reminded me just how safe and secure I felt when our D/s was in high gear. I felt so loved at that point and, even though things were going to hell, it was the one thing that kept me feeling safe, secure and grounded. I used to think that was a flaw in my psyche; that there was something wrong with me because I wanted him to dominate me and take control. I realize now that there is absolutely nothing wrong with me, and I want it just as much now as I did when we were unconsciously using it as a cover-up for our scars.

I guess we'll have to talk about it. Discuss how to make it work now, how to model it so that neither of us feels additional pressure and is happy in the situation. All I know is that I still miss it, miss having it really work for us. And I want that back.

*As someone pointed out, I love that I look like a pink H.R. Giger painting in that second photo. His stuff has always made me uncomfortably turned on anyway!*

This entry was posted by Mellie, on Wednesday, February 01, 2006.