Mmmm... chocolate skull sucker. Both delicious and morbid at the same time. Fantastic.

Just thought I'd put that on there as a testament to my new diet. It fucking sucks, but I eat like shit and I really need to stop that. More veggies, more fruits, no soda, less snack food. What the hell type of vegetarian am I anyway!?

I'm having ugly body issues today. I just feel blah. I feel un-extraordinary, un-pretty, un-skinny, etc. I get this way every once in awhile, which is usually a symptom of my inability to control other aspects of my life. I can control my face, my body... I can't control other people. I guess that's about as vain as it gets.

I'm still not sure what drives me to this need for constant back patting. Perhaps that's even why I'm here, on the internet. The need to feel special and worthwhile. A little piece of recognition for being unique. It makes me smile when people tell me they look up to me, because I can't even begin to understand why that is. If I've been brave, it's simply because I had no other choice. If I've stood up for myself, it's only because I've been backed too far into a corner. I'm nobody's role model and it scares me that anyone would look to me for that.

Anyway, I'm getting sick so that might explain why I'm feeling so weird. I'm going to go work on some homework. Getting A's might make me feel a bit more worthy, at least intellectually. ;)

This entry was posted by Mellie, on Thursday, November 03, 2005.