And that's what they used to do. I have been a casual dater my entire life (if being intimate with people you barely know counts as dating, that is). When things got too tough, or I got bored, I was off to the next new and interesting adventure. I bounced around from boyfriend (or girlfriend) to boyfriend, messed around and moved on. Had some fun, learned a little bit more about myself, counted it as another life lesson and didn't look back.

That is, until this one. Some days I want to slap myself upside the head and say, "Aine, what the fuck?". I don't trust people easily, I barely ever let down my guard. I've survived a long time like this; it's served me well over the years. But now, with Bear, things seem to be turning around.

I'm scared. I don't want to move across the country to a place I barely know with a student's salary and a daughter to support. I don't want to have to make all new friends. I don't want to worry about how we're going to pay bills. I don't want to be married and essentially be alone for three years while he spends 100% of his time and attention on law school. I'm terrified. But this is what love is, what love should be. I guess it's my turn to sacrifice for a few years, then it's his turn. I just hope it works out that way; I hope I'm not making sacrifices for naught. I guess having that ring on my finger will be the indicator that it's not for nothing; that he does indeed want me/us and is working to better himself both for himself AND for us.

To summarize, I'm still getting married in January (I hope!). I'm ready to move into a new stage of life. I'm ready to move to a new location. And I'm scared to death.

This entry was posted by Mellie, on Monday, September 26, 2005.