So I'm back from my odd, temporary hiatus. Life sometimes just gets in the way; I tend to roll with it more these days and fight it less.

Life has just been hectic, no major events to speak of. We had a mellow holiday weekend - watched Firefly, ate at a few great restaurants, saw three movies and went to the strip club (a friend of mine won $300 bucks at amateur night - extremely deserved!).

I am, however, seemingly at a crossroads. I can choose safety, knowing that I love one man and that I would be able to commit to him for the rest of our lives. I can also proceed down a different path, knowing that things might be done that neither of us could come back from, and possibly forfeit the one healthy, pure relationship I've ever had for something that will probably prove to be momentary.

While I wholeheartedly believe that peoples' sex lives are their own business (unless they include non-consensual behavior or children) and that polyamory is a valid form of relationship, I just don't know if I could go down that road myself. I worry that I just won't be capable of caring that much about more than one person (the closest I came was the emotional romantic involvement I had with my long-distance impossible to describe Eala while living with Bear), that I wouldn't be able to cope with him behaving the same way... lots of thoughts are running through my head.

Of course, there's also that I have no idea if she even likes me.

This entry was posted by Mellie, on Tuesday, September 06, 2005.