"When you have given nothing, ask for nothing."
--Albanian Proverb

Some days, I feel like a martyr. I feel like I've given up everything that has meant anything to me for nothing. I feel like I've suffered and made difficult choices so that other people's lives could be a walk through the roses.

And then I wake up. I throw the proverbial cold water onto my face.

"You stupid, stupid girl," I say. And I'm right.

I am a stupid girl. At least mildy. I don't realize just how good I have it, some days. When I look at the facts, laid out in front of me on a gurnee, I begin to see the true light on my path.

I have given a lot, on this quest for self-enlightenment. I have put up with some behavior that were and are completely unacceptable to me. So has he. We were anything but nice to each other for the year or so that we lived together. But now, well, now is different. I have given a lot to save and salvage this relationship and he has as well. We've both given a lot, so we can rightfully ask for a lot in return. It's nice to have a dialogue. One that we deserve and that we've both earned.

No noteworthy sex to report. We fucked for a bit last night, but I had something that resembled the flu so I spend most of the night bowing to another master (if you catch my drift). We're also in the hunt for another collar (I can't wear my studded cat collar to work anymore), so I'll keep you posted when we find another alternative. I just hope it buckles. There's something about the silver buckle...

This entry was posted by Mellie, on Monday, August 08, 2005.