Tired.
"Sometimes it is harder to deprive oneself of a pain than of a pleasure."
-- F. Scott Fitzgerald
Lately, my time has been limited to small spurts between pressures and demands on my time. I wake up and have a glorious fifteen minutes between waking and the time I have to get ready. I drop my daughter off at daycare, I go to work. I have an hour for lunch, during which I usually stress about what I need to get done versus what I should have gotten done weeks ago. I go back to work, pick my daughter up at daycare, figure out dinner and field impossible and usually frustrating questions/requests/demands/suggestions for the rest of the night. These days, it's a rare night that she goes to sleep before ten o'clock. It's about nine thirty now and she's still going strong. Even my nights aren't my own. Four out of every five weekdays find my daughter taking up more room in my bed than I am allowed.
It's little wonder why I'm left, at the end of the day, with no sexual energy or appetite. Sexuality, to me, is something that is fluid and natural. However, my sexuality is also demanding and intense. I've found the closest to a compatible sexual partner in my Bear, but even he doesn't always understand me. Some days I want to really mean it when I say no, and others I just want to be loved and cuddled and adored. There's no rhyme or reason to my tastes; no way of figuring them out from moment to moment.
Needless to say, I'm too tired right now to elaborate much on anything. It's bound to get worse before it gets better, with the addition of twelve credit hours of school on Monday. *le sigh* I am, however, getting my hair cut Saturday. I'll post pics when I get them!
-- F. Scott Fitzgerald
Lately, my time has been limited to small spurts between pressures and demands on my time. I wake up and have a glorious fifteen minutes between waking and the time I have to get ready. I drop my daughter off at daycare, I go to work. I have an hour for lunch, during which I usually stress about what I need to get done versus what I should have gotten done weeks ago. I go back to work, pick my daughter up at daycare, figure out dinner and field impossible and usually frustrating questions/requests/demands/suggestions for the rest of the night. These days, it's a rare night that she goes to sleep before ten o'clock. It's about nine thirty now and she's still going strong. Even my nights aren't my own. Four out of every five weekdays find my daughter taking up more room in my bed than I am allowed.
It's little wonder why I'm left, at the end of the day, with no sexual energy or appetite. Sexuality, to me, is something that is fluid and natural. However, my sexuality is also demanding and intense. I've found the closest to a compatible sexual partner in my Bear, but even he doesn't always understand me. Some days I want to really mean it when I say no, and others I just want to be loved and cuddled and adored. There's no rhyme or reason to my tastes; no way of figuring them out from moment to moment.
Needless to say, I'm too tired right now to elaborate much on anything. It's bound to get worse before it gets better, with the addition of twelve credit hours of school on Monday. *le sigh* I am, however, getting my hair cut Saturday. I'll post pics when I get them!
This entry was posted by Mellie, on
Wednesday, August 17, 2005.
