Relationship upkeep.
"What else is love but understanding and rejoicing in the fact that another person lives, acts and experiences otherwise than we do...?"
--Friedrich Nietzsche
Last night, he walked out the door. It was 1:30 in the morning, and I stood in shock peeking out my bedroom window as his car drove away in the night. It was almost surreal. Five minutes later, the phone rang. I didn't want to pick it up, but I did.
"I love you," he said. "I wish I would have said that before I left."
I didn't know what to say. I was angry, upset, sad... all things that don't lead to the honest discussions and a conversation where I don't inflict personal harm. I know myself much better these days, so I chose not to say anything. I listened; I tried to open up my whole heart and mind and listen.
We fought again last night, for the first time in a few months. It was a lack of communication or, rather, our emotional back-up leading to both of us mishearing/misunderstanding the other. He heard me say that his relationship with my daughter was the more important than his relationship with me, and all I saw was the man I love getting angry with me and leaving.
We're better today. He understands the things that I need that are non-negotiable (quality time, not just over the phone or instant message, spent with my daughter and I) and I understand his non-negotiables (decompression time after work). We're still suturing the wounds from our previous relationship, and I think we both were a bit shocked by how far we still have to go. We've definitely grown in leaps and bounds, especially when it comes to his relationship with my daughter, but the argument last night reinforced my belief that relationships always require upkeep.
But, to paraphrase Nietzsche, love is about understanding that no one thinks/acts/loves exactly like you do. Accepting and loving the person more for it. I'm working on that part. ;)
And, oh yes, there was make-up sex. I'll write about later. LOL. The only thing better than make-up sex is grudge fucking.
--Friedrich Nietzsche
Last night, he walked out the door. It was 1:30 in the morning, and I stood in shock peeking out my bedroom window as his car drove away in the night. It was almost surreal. Five minutes later, the phone rang. I didn't want to pick it up, but I did.
"I love you," he said. "I wish I would have said that before I left."
I didn't know what to say. I was angry, upset, sad... all things that don't lead to the honest discussions and a conversation where I don't inflict personal harm. I know myself much better these days, so I chose not to say anything. I listened; I tried to open up my whole heart and mind and listen.
We fought again last night, for the first time in a few months. It was a lack of communication or, rather, our emotional back-up leading to both of us mishearing/misunderstanding the other. He heard me say that his relationship with my daughter was the more important than his relationship with me, and all I saw was the man I love getting angry with me and leaving.
We're better today. He understands the things that I need that are non-negotiable (quality time, not just over the phone or instant message, spent with my daughter and I) and I understand his non-negotiables (decompression time after work). We're still suturing the wounds from our previous relationship, and I think we both were a bit shocked by how far we still have to go. We've definitely grown in leaps and bounds, especially when it comes to his relationship with my daughter, but the argument last night reinforced my belief that relationships always require upkeep.
But, to paraphrase Nietzsche, love is about understanding that no one thinks/acts/loves exactly like you do. Accepting and loving the person more for it. I'm working on that part. ;)
And, oh yes, there was make-up sex. I'll write about later. LOL. The only thing better than make-up sex is grudge fucking.
This entry was posted by Mellie, on
Sunday, August 07, 2005.
