Sometimes writing in this journal seems like a sham. I don't know who I want to be here - intellectual and politically motivated Aine, sexual and submissive Aine, funny and sarcastic Aine... I feel awkward when I'm all three at the same time. I feel like people who would be reading this journal for the hot sex that Bear and I have are turned off by the fact that I have feelings and thoughts that don't revolve around sex. I feel like the people who would be interested in my anarchist tendencies and political thoughts are turned off by the fact that I use the word cunt and talk about being fucked from behind.

I'm just so confused. I want to please everyone, but at the same time I don't really give a fuck what people think.

So I'm going to whine about what's on my mind at this exact moment. First of all, I just found out that it will take me another two years, COUNT EM, two freaking years before I can graduate. I made some minor tweakings and figured out that if I stay another semester, I can graduate with a Bachelors of Science (majoring in Agricultural Science) with a concentration in Animal Science AND a minor in Biological Science. I might as well, if I'm going to be in school the rest of my life. Bear is planning on going to law school soon (probably next fall) and I'm scared to death that I might lose him because of all this. I'm worried that if I move I'll never have the drive and ability to finish school (let alone work and raise my daughter). I can't lose him, though. Thinking about it makes me sad.

Alright, now I'm off to work where I will gripe all day about the fact that Bush appointed Bolton (asshole) during a recess. See, that was sort of sexual. Bush! Get it! :)

This entry was posted by Mellie, on Monday, August 01, 2005.