I have a job interview tomorrow at a local veterinary clinic for a veterinary assistant opening. I'm so full of nervous energy that the only thing that brings me any peace at all is thinking about bondage. This happens to me fairly often. Whenever I feel out of control, the one thing that can bring me back down is thinking about having all my control taken away from me.

Right now, the thought of being hogtied on the bed is appealing to me. It's not even about sex, it's about loss of control. Not being able to move, not being able to say no. I find that I'm losing myself more and more (in a good way) in the submissive role lately. It becomes easier to call him sir each time I say it and I'm beginning to understand that good behavior = good rewards and bad behavior = punishment, without any hostility or ill-feelings. I'm finally grasping what it means to be submissive and accepting that he's a much better dom than I ever allowed him to be or gave him credit for. I'm a lucky girl, three years later, to be able to take this journey again and start out on the right foot this time.

Off to bed. I want to finish the bottoming book I'm reading, make a larger dent into the Jeanette Winterson novel and read the Shape and Parents magazines that came in the mail today. Good night all.

This entry was posted by Mellie, on Tuesday, July 05, 2005.