Making up my mind on anything has always been difficult for me. I always go back and forth; it takes a year for me to make a decision that most people could make in seconds. Right now, it's about lunch. It's 11:30 and I've been trying to figure out what I want for lunch for the last hour and a half. Do I want Indian food... aloo gobi does sound fantastic today! Or do I want nachos... Qdoba makes some extremely excellent ones. I wish I could just matter of factly make up my mind, go get it, eat it and feel satisfied. It's always the what-ifs that kill me... what if I need that extra money later in the week? What if I need to buy groceries? What if I'm just being selfish or lazy? It always makes me insecure to spend money, like I'm somehow letting someone down.

The idea of becoming financially submissive is appealing, but I think it's for the wrong reasons. My inability to make financial decisions is something that should be delved deeper into, not shoved onto someone else's plate.

Maybe it's because it's raining today. It's grey, dreary and gloomy. I know that he (come on, baby, make up a name please. I can't keep referring to you as he!) is going to be going to lunch with a co-worker, probably at one of our favorite places. I don't want to run into him, not because I don't love him and don't want to see him, but because the idea of making small talk with people I don't know and don't really care to know is extremely repulsive. *sigh*

I'm going to go now - gotta return some things and figure out this lunch fiasco. Thanks for being a sounding board, as usual.

This entry was posted by Mellie, on Tuesday, July 12, 2005.