I'm sitting in front of my computer with a dandelion yellow towel wrapped around my body, my red hair making water patterns down my naked back. I adore these moments - wet, shivery, completely in the moment. I know in a few minutes I have to get dressed and head out to begin my day, but right now there is nothing but my thoughts and sensations.

I've been turned on all morning, probably due to an intense round of dreams that I can no longer remember. My clitoris is silently chirping, sending tiny reminders through my body that are getting harder and harder to ignore. I always feel like this after my shower, especially on the days I shave my pussy (although I've only been shaving the sides and trimming lately, I've grown tired of the constant up-keep that comes with a bald cunt).

Last night, as I was drifting off to sleep, I thought about being raped in the backseat of a car. I imagined the sensation of being held down by my wrists, my panties ripped off. I felt it as he entered me rudely, with no foreplay and no lubrication. It made me so unbelievably hot, but I resisted the temptation to orgasm. It just makes them that much more delicious when I wait.

I forgot to comment on a scene that happened between "him" and I last weekend. We were lying on the bed after eating some incredible Italian food, tummies full and happy. I'm not sure what started it, but he had my arms pinned behind my back as he was ripping my cardigan off. He bared my breasts and began to bite and suck at them as I resisted, tossing my body back and forth on his sheets. I've never really been one for breast play and, although it felt wonderful, I wasn't 100% into it. That's what made the whole scene so much better for me. He really wanted me, really wanted my breasts. I really didn't want him to get at them, so it fulfilled that masochistic spot in my libido that is into rape and forced sexuality. He pressed on, pulling my hair hard enough to make me grunt and scream, slapping my face when I resisted.

I wish we did more like that. It seems that, even though he's an experienced dominant, he gets a little uncomfortable when it seems like I'm saying no too convincingly. We've never had a safe word, never had to use anything like that. My body is his for the taking, at any time or place. He knows that. I just wish he would take advantage of that more. For instance, at one point last weekend he forced me onto my knees and made me suck him off. I resisted (what fun is it if I give in right away? Force me!) and he stopped trying. I wish he would have held the back of my head, ignoring me as I gagged, and fucked my throat. But how do you say that to someone in the heat of the moment? Especially from a submissive perspective?

This is all about communication. There is just so much going on lately that we don't worry about sex right now. I'm just missing that part of us a bit. Hopefully this will open up the lines of communication! :) Come on honey, fuck me. Beat me. Slap me. Hurt me.

Don't take no for an answer.

This entry was posted by Mellie, on Friday, June 03, 2005.