Sometimes being submissive isn't about bowing your head and doing every little thing your master says. Sometimes it isn't even about sex at all. I found that out today, and it was extremely humbling to me to find a piece of my soul that can be fulfilled by mundane, domestic service.

As you know, he went in for surgery today. I was in the hospital with him for seven hours - reading, waiting, pacing, chatting. I found myself completely happy anytime he asked me for anything - a cup of juice, help tying his shoes, a steadying hand. It was the happiness of a girlfriend in a satisfied relationship, to be sure, but it was also the happiness of a submissive happy to serve in any way possible. Each time he asked me for something, it was because he really needed me to be there for him. He wanted me there. I felt so loved at that moment, to be included into a part of his life that wasn't at all pretty or strong. I felt important - he loves me enough to let me in. I'm grateful as hell for that.

I don't have anything thought provoking or mindblowing to say today. I'm simply a girl enthralled. A girl happy to help, happy to serve. A girl who gets a little closer to knowing who she really is every single day, happy to have a man who (knowingly or unknowingly) puts pressure on me in all the right ways to figure it out. I'm happy to have the words and the materials to author this part of my life, to have this part documented for me to read in five (ten! fifty!) years. I can't wait to meet the woman I'll be then.

This entry was posted by Mellie, on Monday, May 23, 2005.